A short trip through the new releases, the old classics and the horrendous tripe that I subject myself to on a weekly basis.
This week there are talking trolls, singing minions and a small child pissing in his family’s dinner.
Despicable Me 2 – 4/5
Picture the scene: it’s a Sunday night and you’re lying on the couch, immovably hungover. Monday morning and another week of work are looming large over you. Meanwhile, on the screen are a bunch of yellow monsters screaming “banana” at each other and bonking each other over the head repeatedly. Was there ever a film built more for a hungover Sunday?
In defence of Despicable Me 2, it’s actually pretty amusing for the most part and it doesn’t require much attention. It’s hard to tell if it was just because I was so hungover and I wasn’t fully comprehending what was happening, but I was loving it. That being said, I did want to rip my ears off while the Minions were singing the YMCA at the end.
Recommended for: Hungover people, children.
Not recommended for: Minion haters.
Two smug yellow tic-tacs.
Society – 4/5
Part scathing take on social class, part gross-out horror movie – Society really was a weird one. When the opening credits revealed that the man doing the special effects was called “Screaming Mad George” (how do you even go about earning the name “Screaming Mad George”?) I began to wonder what I had let myself in for.
What ensued was a smart and creepy take on the issue of class divide in Beverly Hills followed by a mental final 20 minutes in which I discovered why George was considered to be so “Screaming Mad”. I won’t spoil the ending for you, but it’s certainly worth watching until it’s climax – I’m pretty glad that I wasn’t eating when I watched it. It was kind of like two really good films smashed together, but I loved it nonetheless.
Recommended for: Fans of body-shock horror films i.e. The Fly, The Thing.
Not recommended for: Anyone eating, or with a weak stomach.
This is actually normal compared to the rest of the film.
Troll – 1/5
No, not Trolls, the animated Justin Timberlake toy rip-off – Troll is a loose horror-comedy (loose in that it is neither funny nor scary) that follows a family who move into an apartment block full of trolls, witches and a dwarf who is a Professor of English. Nothing in this film made any sense and I never want to have to watch it again.
It was also incredibly dull for a film featuring a collection of supposedly murderous trolls; I can’t believe this film went to cinemas and I would have been seriously pissed if I went out and paid to watch this. I could characterise this entire film with one quote – one of the main characters (named Harry Potter Jr, no joke) asks an older lady how she knew that he was coming into her flat to which she replies, “I recognised the knock, it’s pre-pubescent”.
Recommended for: People suffering from insomnia.
Not recommended for: Anyone else.
A troll, apparently.
Troll 2 – 2/5
“But you hated the first one, why the hell did you watch the second one?” You may find yourself asking, like I also did. Well, that’s because I bought the two of them together on DVD and I was damn sure going to get my money’s worth – plus, Troll 2 is considered by many to be one of the worst films of all time so I thought I might gain a few laughs at least.
This film made as much, if not less, sense than it’s predecessor. It had acting so stiff it must have made the floorboards blush, some of the worst make-up effects I’ve ever seen and bore absolutely no relation to the first Troll film (which, may actually be a pro rather than a con). However, it was infinitely funnier in a worst-movie-of-all-time sort of fashion – the main child pisses on his family’s dinner to stop them eating it, which breeds the response, “you can’t piss on hospitality. I won’t allow it!” Now that I have endured them both I think I will burn my Troll/Troll 2 DVD for the sake of humanity.
Recommended for: Fans of bad movies.
Not recommended for: Fans of good movies.
A much uglier troll.
Film of the Week – Society